Recently, I began taking steps to change some things in my life. It’s unclear what all I plan to change, but I believe that I’d like to have more options. One way to get those options is to remove the obligations I’ve got. So I began searching for someone who could pick up the slack, if I decided to retreat into the shadows.
I’ve done the front and centre thing, and at some point in the last few years, when I reflected on how I was coming across, I decided to tone things down a bit, and that’s resulted in my coming across more serious. Beyond that, I’ve also become less likely to connect with people. I’m not entirely sure of the source, but I seem to be far more reserved in some respects than I was in the past.
In any case, when I’ve said I’m going to fade into the shadows, I don’t mean I’m going cross the eternal veil, I mean something far more mundane. There has been some concern over my mental health, and as far as I can tell, my mental state is functional but drained. I need to find more things that envigorate me, though I’ve no clear idea how to do that.
I suppose the writing helps sometimes, as I go from being distracted and unfocused to a state of sharpness. Though that state is still lacking something.
I know many people have turned to music for this envigoration. Hell, there’s even a playlist function for it on many of the streaming services. The problem is I find music hard to engage with. In many cases, the songs are about something I can’t relate to.
Currently, I’m listening to Repo, the Genetic Opera. It has a certain intensity to it; something I can’t put into words. Other pieces I enjoy are of a similar genre. Reefer Madness, Jesus Christ Superstar, even Wicked.
I’ve gone far afield. I meant to say, I plan to change my life, not to end it. I might wander off in a different direction, but I don’t plan on closing any doors or burning any bridges. I tend to save the burning for those who’ve earned it, and it’s usually my preference to let them light their own pyres.