Seeds of distrust

I have trouble dealing with passive aggressive or deceptive individuals. If I get told something second hand, whether or not I accept it as the truth depends on various factors, but if I find out that it was manipulation, and someone attempts the same play again, it’ll irk me. In theory it should anger me, but it doesn’t.

It instead creates a certain comfort; establishing a pattern. And since they’ve established a pattern; they’ve given me something I could use against them, should things escalate to that level. It then becomes a question of what response is appropriate. In many cases, while there is a temptation for confrontation, it is wiser to consider the how to diffuse the impact of the their manipulation, or to fold that energy back into a new direction.

If they’ve lied to you, they’ve lied to others; a subtle knowing word, something that’ll speed up their understanding of the situation, without tipping your hand too much. That seems a wise course of action.

If the lie has created friction with others, as it did in the original example that I am deconstructing, then the obvious first step is to accept your failure, admit your foolishness, and offer apology to those who were on the wrong side of your misguided actions.

For many, that step is a difficult one, but it is an important one. You have to admit and acknowledge the problems your actions created, without passing the blame back to the original source of the mistake. You can acknowledge that you were mislead, but you must own your actions. After that, reparations, repairs, and generally learning from it.

At that point, you have earned the ability to be honest with others about the manipulation, and in so doing, create exposure for the deceiver. This must be done in the right manner, as done wrong it will harm you more than the one who misled you.

While there is always the option of confrontation to bring about change, through conflict, rendering your adversary impotent is often wiser.

In some cases, when the person has established themselves, or has established a cult of personality, this can be difficult, and perhaps nigh impossible. Still, patience and solidity should endure over the slippery tongue.

1 Comment


  1. ·

    As to this, I’m curious as to the story here, if I may dare to ask? I’m guessing you won’t tell me if it is unnecessary or possibly troubling to me, which is fine.

    Reply

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