Many years ago, when asked why I didn’t date a particular girl, I used the term scencest to explain my discomfort with dating someone inside a small and insular community. Too many crossing paths, too many common friends, or worse too many common ex’s.

The BDSM community has grown a bit since then, but I find I still have that discomfort. How does one get over it, or it it healthy to maintain it?

I suppose it doesn’t help that plenty of the guys in my community tend to crowd around the attractive newbies, which tends to scare them off and that just makes the problem worse.

When a couple breaks up, odds are good that the male will stick around, and the female will either leave or get a ton of messages.

I’m old, grumpy and bitter, I’ll admit. But how much of this problem is in my head, and how much is what you also see?