Outings and such, part two.

I got a message this morning from my mother. She’d been able to see the thread that I had previously mentioned.  She’s aware that I’m involved in the kink community, so this wasn’t a shock to her. Had the situation been different, that could have been rather stressful. For many people, what I’ve just described is a nightmare scenario, and is one of the reasons people have cited that they aren’t willing to stand up for their beliefs in the community. I had been aware of the possibility, since horror stories of outing as a weapon have existed as long as I’ve been a member of the community.

Based on his writings, he doesn’t feel he has outed me, since I was already out. Well, I have always thought that an individual should get some discretion over how out they are, and if you aren’t sure, you should probably ask them. That generally works better when you have respect for the person that you are arguing with. I don’t know that this applies here.

I had just two days ago said I was no longer going to be sanitizing these posts for any given audience, but I’ve already had demands that I change details of what I’ve written. And)
I’m finding myself choosing my words carefully, since it seems like whatever is said will be taken in a manner other than the manner in which it is written.

I suspect that I’m not aware of the emotional flavour that I layer into my writing. I was unaware that my distrust of this individual would be so clear as to taint what I felt was a neutral statement of “at one point, I actively recommend (this event), back when I attended, these were the reasons I recommended it back then. I no longer attend for personal reasons, so I can no longer recommend it, as I lack the required information.”

Apparently, if you have a perceived past bias, people assume you mean more with your words when you say, even when you don’t even care enough anymore to hold an opinion.

I was already burnt out and planning to leave the community. I had promised I’d help with one last party. Now, I’m not even sure I’ll bother with that. I’ve been told people want me to attend, but given the vitriol about me, I’m feeling unwelcome.

I’ve been battling feelings of alienation for a long time now, and I think I’ve reached the end of my ability to cope with that.

I suspect if helping my grandmother to maintain her independence wasn’t an absolute priority, I’d likely be a suicide risk.

1 Comment

  1. mogdoll

    This part of all that is bloody awful and goes a very long way to demonstrate that those individuals are exactly who you said they were. Even some one a person dislikes should not be outed, regardless of the history.


    As to that last party, please come. Your friends there are the type that would never wish you to feel alienated, they really do care and appreciate you. Though at the same time, if you really don’t feel able to, they are also the friends who will understand and support your decision with the utmost respect.

    More hugs.


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