I’ve had something of an anti-epiphany, a moment of knowing that I know not. It’s still technically an epiphany, since it’s a striking realization, but at the same time, it’s also a lack it, since it was also a moment of profound emptiness. There is the knowing of the things, and that is wisdom, and the knowing of that which you do not know, and that is wise. This however, is the knowing of not knowing. A moment where nothing is there, just the noise and static that isn’t information, just an absence of something concrete.
I’m in a downswing of some sort, not sure what’s caused it, just that it’s there. Things that should bring me happiness, currently don’t. Just distraction. There is a profound lack of hope. A future exists, I’m sure, but it’s so clouded that nothing shines out of the fog.
I recommend you prepare for walkabout, I really do. Believe it or not when you hit the bottom of this black hole you will burst, you will see that the emptiness and unknowing are an opportunity for learning, for new experiences and adventures. You may even find the self you were born to be, rather than the one your experiences have turned you into.