A blank page is an intimidating thing, more so when it’s the first page of something greater. A single page can easily be crumbled up and thrown away, but a page that is part of a book leaves evidence of its passing when removed.
They say the first step is to write something, write anything. If you’re happy with it, great. Most of the time, you aren’t, and but if you focus on getting to be happy with it, you’ll never get into that place where the words flow effortlessly from your fingers as fast as they come to you mind. Or at least to the place where you can manage to put something down and you don’t erase it moments after.
For me, this has always been a problem initially. I’ve had trouble getting started, getting comfortable with the tone. So, the initial post that will be going up won’t be much more than rambling as I try to warm up a set of skills that I’ve let lie fallow for the last little while.
Prior to this, most of the writing I had been doing was for Erotic Vancouver, trying to contribute to the local alternative community. I’ve written a couple of pieces, and I’ve enjoyed working with them. Hopefully in the future I’ll write more pieces, but while writing for them I am always aware that what I say needs to be acceptable to their brand. This hasn’t been much of an issue in practice, but the idea of that has always added to my anxiety about my writing. It’s that vague gnawing in the back of your mind, that what you’ve written isn’t good enough yet. That it doesn’t convey what you meant it to say, that it’ll be misread and it’ll offend people. That concern is more present when you’re writing about something that has an inherent probability of offending. Many of the articles I’ve wanted to write have been fraught with that feeling.
So, instead of feeling like I’ll damage the reputation of Erotic Vancouver and its spearhead, Reive, I’ve now got this place to write what I think. If I write something I think works for EV, I’ll leave a copy on his virtual desk, and if it doesn’t work there, it’ll go here. And if something I write here works for EV, maybe he’ll ask me to put up an expanded version over there.
I’ve posted some of my ramblings in other places, but this is the first time I’ve made a serious effort to have a place for my ideas, distinct and unique. And I think that’s something that deserves some exploration and perhaps an explanation, though how much can actually be explained, I’m not so sure of.
Over on Erotic Vancouver, I’m known as Ashton, because that’s my name, and I felt that in a Erotic/BDSM/Kink context, Gravedigger might put people off. I wanted people to take my writings seriously, and while there is potentially some risk to my future in having those writings out there under that name, I felt it made more sense than a pseudonym.
Speaking of the pseudonym Gravedigger, it’s one that was given to me about a decade back, and part of a story that I will likely tell here one day when I lack inspiration about something to write up and also feel like I haven’t updated in a bit.