The new thing… Vigilante Justice

So, my sources tell me that a masked vigilante is out there, in the city. Well, that’s nothing new. This one, is perhaps a bit different though. He’s driving an electric car, wearing a wrestling mask, and carrying a sawzall. He’s been seen parking in front of houses that are watering their lawns excessively, in clear violation of the water restrictions. He’ll walk up to the house, turn the tap fully off, and then with his sawzall, he’ll cut the head off the faucet. Then he’ll apply a sticker to the side of the house, before getting back in the car and driving away. The sticker is printed with a copy of the current water restrictions and an oddly deformed smiley face at the bottom.

Strangely, the rumours about this man differ greatly. Some describe him as 5’5″, blond hair poking out from the mask, chain smoking, while others have described him as 6’6″, a big bear of a man, who drinks from the hose before he shuts it off. One person even stated that she was sure that the vigilante was in fact a woman.

In any case, my lawn has gone brown and grey, and will stay that way.

The Irresponsible Scientists League of Earth (ISLE) claimed responsibility today, sort of, for the horrific events of last week. They admitted that they installed the intelligence expansion devices in churches, mosques and synagogues around the world, but claim that the devices were intended to slowly increase the intelligence of attendees and not cause rapid cranial expansion. ISLE had expected depression and confusion, followed by enlightenment and an increased interest in science. Not the showers of blood and gore that accompanied the head explosions.

“Apparently one of the guys overclocked it for better performance, and the result was perfectly logical.”